1.You wake up to M.S. Subbulakshmi's dulcet tones that resonate from your cassette or CD (nowadays MP3?) player- "Kausalya Supraja Rama" of Shri Venkateshwara Suprabatham.
2.You consume 'Madras filter coffee' of the finest decoction and go through snippets of the morning newspaper.
The Hindu(pronounced 'Hind-do' [as in 'do' it well], not 'Hinthoo') is your favourite newspaper.
3.You own a TVS 50/XL Super,Suvega(affectionately 'Sevika'),Luna,Bajaj M80,Hero Puch or Enfield Mofa which is used for commuting, even you're a priest(sastrigal) going for a 'homam' from one household to another.
You may own a bicycle or an ancient Ambassador(affectionately Ambi's Amby!) car.
4.You condemn 'mixture',namkeen and farsaan as 'sundry items', yet have them for lunch along with your thali.
5.'Stamping not allowed' would be more appropriate than 'Parking not allowed' as you care for your kolam.
6.You can't wait to rush back home after office hours as you don't want to miss the latest episode of Metti Oli, Kolangal, Chithi, Selvi, Manaivi, Comedy Time or Kondattam on Sun TV(or Raj TV,Kalaignar TV,Jaya TV,Aadithya TV,Star Vijay).
If you're a westernized yuppie,you'll feel the same for Two and a Half Men,How I Met Your Mother,Family Guy and the Simpsons (on Star World),apart from Taarak Mehta ka Ooltah Chashmah (on SAB TV).
7.You've grown up drinking Ovaltine('Oval'),Viva,Horlicks and Maltova (nowadays Milo, Boost and Bournvita).
You've offered Crush,Oval, juice concentrate or syrup,apart from tea and coffee to guests.
8.You've visited least one of these restaurants- Mylai Karpagambal Mess in Mylapore,Woodlands, Palmgrove (in Madras),Dasaprakash (in Madras,Mysore,Ooty,Ahmedabad,Jaipur,Delhi,Agra and Lucknow),Chalukya,MTR,Vidyarthi Bhawan,CTR,Janatha,New Krishna Bhawan (in Bangalore).
9.You love shopping at Pothys,Nalli,Naidu Hall,RMKV (in Madras) or Rangachari Textiles (in Bangalore) despite the proliferation of malls with branches of Westside,Pantaloons,Wrangler,Nike,Reebok,Adidas,Big Bazaar and Vishal Mega Mart in your city.
A visit to 8th cross,Malleshwaram or Sampige Road (in Bangalore),Ranganathan Street or Panagal Park (in T Nagar,Madras) is a must rather than a visit to Commercial Street or MG Road (in Bangalore),CG Road,Ashram Road or SG Highway (in Ahmedabad).
10.You don't play cards as there's no 'green' card, which every holder [an Ambi Mama,Athimber or Chitappa of yours in California/Texas/Michigan/Illinois :) ] uses to return to India every December for the Margazhi music festival in Mylapore Kutcheri Sabhas. There are Carnatic music concerts held elsewhere too-at the Chowdiah Memorial Hall, Malleshwaram (in Bangalore) and the Shanmukhananda Hall,in Matunga (Bombay). The Tiruvaiyuru Thyagaraja Aradhanai,held in the month of January,is famous too.
11.You stay in localities like Mylapore,Triplicane,Adyar,Besant Nagar,Saligramam,Vadapalani and Nanganallur (in Madras),
Malleshwaram,Basavangudi,Banashankari and Jayanagar (in Bangalore),
Vastrapur,Memnagar,Satellite and Bodakdev (in Ahmedabad),
Matunga and Ghatkopar (in Bombay),
RK Puram and Munirka (in Delhi)
12. Your long, tongue-twisting name is truncated to your initials. For example: Melattur Sundaram Rajagopalaiyer is known as M.S.R. to all.
(October 14, 2011)